梅根是读电影研究的美国女孩，也是我宝宝的保姆 Megan is an American girl studying film studies and my baby's nanny

文 | 密斯赵 美国纽约

编辑｜胖粒

梅根来了，她穿着“涅槃乐队”的T恤和灰色打底裤，头上架着墨镜。她放下手中的咖啡，迎向我两个月大的宝宝。宝宝回她甜甜一笑。

梅根会喂宝宝五盎司的配方奶，会拍嗝，会给他读诗，会唱迪斯尼的歌给他听，甚至会以专业水准拍下他最可爱的时刻。她是我小小家庭里重要的一员，但却和我们毫无血缘关系。她是土生土长的美国白人，是电影研究本科毕业的学生，她为MTV、ABC、奥普拉频道工作。

她是我的宝宝的第一个保姆。

Text | Miss Zhao New York, USA

Editor｜Pangli

Meghan arrived, wearing a Nirvana T-shirt, gray leggings, and sunglasses on her head. She put down her cup of coffee and faced my two-month-old baby. The baby smiled sweetly back at her.

Meghan feeds the baby five ounces of formula, burps him, reads him poetry, sings him Disney songs, and even professionally takes photos of his most adorable moments. She is an important part of my little family, but she is not related to us by blood. She is a native white American with a bachelor's degree in film studies. She works for MTV, ABC, and the Oprah Channel.

She was my baby's first nanny.

01

我的宝宝出生在今年的“纪念日”。两个多月来，我和先生一个白班一个夜班，从最初的手足无措到现在，也算习惯了新手爸妈的生活。按照计划，我在九月初“劳动节”后回公司上班。纽约疫情渐息，公司恢复了每周三天的正常工作，先生也是时候重回他的写作日程，我们打算找个帮手，白天照顾宝宝。

在美国从事保姆职业的人口有近二十二万人，其中近九成为女性。保姆的平均时薪为$18.36，其中薪金最高的城市旧金山时薪为$21.17，纽约的平均时薪为$18.94。在所有保姆中，白人占比约63%，接下来是西裔17%和非裔9%，而亚裔占比6%。（薪金数据来自urbansitter，其它数据来自zippia，仅供参考）

请保姆比想象中困难。

先生在几个美国比较常用的网站上传了我们的情况，还特意挑了一张我们一家三口的温馨合影作头像，付了$50的月费，拿到了网站上保姆们的联系方式。很快，我们收到了三五封求职信，也安排了几个面试。

我最初的担心来自于求职者似乎永远真诚欠奉的回应。她们有的在约定时间不出现，有的在面试前半小时改期，有的答应提供推荐人联络方式却一直拖延。坦白说，这些情况我都能理解。保姆并不是一个“稳定”的“好工作”，求职者们大多是二十到三十岁之间的女生，很多都刚刚大学毕业，保姆可能只是她们找到真正喜爱的职业前养活自己的一份薪水，没有人会把它当作事业，虽然无论对雇主还是对社会而言，这其实都是最重要的工作。

一个看上去很和善回应也及时的南部女生在面试时爽约了。之后，她告诉我们，自己身在加州，搞错了时差，所以无法面试。市场营销专业的她发来了自己的简历，上面有张艺术处理过的相片。相片上的她留着粉色短发，在霓虹灯下尽情舞动。同为市场营销专业的我知道，十年间，这个行业已经发生了巨大的变化，但这样的相片和简历即使在我司也不会通过HR那一关。当然，和我们在网站上看到的许多其它相片——比如和一匹骏马合照马头占相片九成而自己占一成的女孩相比，这已经算是接受范围内了。

我和先生讨论，对一个刚出校园又并非热门专业特别是文科/艺术系专业的女孩来说，保姆和服务员，哪个比较轻松。在美国，许多演员和创作者都在成名前做过这两种工作。我和先生曾经开玩笑，想象宝宝的保姆是第二个Greta Gerwig（我们都喜欢的美国演员、导演，导演作品《伯德小姐》）！于我，我宁愿去挣小费，也不想整天面对哭泣的小宝宝和总显得过于紧张的爸妈。先生说，餐厅是个很残酷的行业，薪水低、工作繁重、还很有可能面对老板员工、和客人的骚扰；而如果你成长在一个有兄弟姐妹的家庭，就已经有了照顾小孩子的经验（很多求职者的经验都是这样得来，对于独生子女的我，是一件新鲜事），做保姆可能没有你想象的那么困难。

两个星期后，我们终于面试到了一个很合适的女孩。梅根来自芝加哥，本来在洛杉矶生活，因为男朋友拿到了纽约大学电影研究的研究生offer，刚搬到我们的小城居住。她今年26岁，大学毕业三年，平时在各个影视公司做项目助理，其余时间兼职保姆。她对工作很认真，从她的简历就可见一斑。我们收到的大部分简历都列举了求职者的所有工作经历，而梅根的简历则是为保姆而特别制作的，按时间顺序清楚总结了她工作过的家庭、孩子的数量和年龄、具体的任务。她还直接附上了所有雇主的联系方式和他们的一页推荐信，每一任都对她赞不绝口。这种“熟悉”令我放心。她的专业和工作也让艺术管理和文科专业的我和先生有种“自己人”的亲切。我们约她来家里试工，但因为先前屡次被放鸽子的经历，做活动策划的我职业病发作，决定同时开始准备Plan B。

01

My baby was born on "Anniversary" this year. For more than two months, my husband and I have worked day shifts and night shifts. From the initial confusion, we have now become accustomed to the life of new parents. According to the plan, I returned to the company after Labor Day in early September. The epidemic in New York is gradually subsided, and the company has resumed normal work three days a week. It is also time for my husband to return to his writing schedule. We plan to find a helper to take care of the baby during the day.

There are nearly 220,000 people working as nannies in the United States, nearly 90% of whom are women. The average hourly wage for nannies is $18.36, with the highest-paid cities in San Francisco earning $21.17 per hour, and the average hourly wage in New York being $18.94. Among all nannies, whites account for about 63%, followed by Hispanics at 17%, African Americans at 9%, and Asians at 6%. (Salary data comes from urbansitter, other data comes from zippia, for reference only)

Hiring a nanny is harder than you think.

My husband uploaded our situation on several commonly used websites in the United States, and specially selected a warm photo of our family of three as a profile picture. He paid a monthly fee of $50 and got the contact information of the nannies on the website. Soon, we received three to five application letters and had several interviews scheduled.

My initial concern came from the applicants' responses that seemed perpetually insincere. Some of them did not show up at the appointed time, some rescheduled half an hour before the interview, and some promised to provide the contact information of their recommenders but kept delaying. Frankly, I can understand all of these situations. Nanny is not a "stable" and "good job". Most of the job seekers are girls between the ages of 20 and 30, many of whom have just graduated from college. Nanny may just be a salary to support themselves before they find a career they really like. No one will regard it as a career, although it is actually the most important job for both employers and society.

A southern girl who seemed very kind and responded in a timely manner failed to make an appointment during the interview. Later, she told us that she was in California and the time difference was wrong, so she couldn't interview. She majored in marketing and sent her resume with an artistically processed photo. In the photo, she has short pink hair and dances under the neon lights. As a marketing major, I know that this industry has undergone tremendous changes in the past ten years, but photos and resumes like this will not pass the HR level even in our company. Of course, compared to many other photos we saw on the site, such as a girl posing with a horse where the horse's head takes up 90% of the photo and she takes up 10%, this is within the acceptable range.

My husband and I discussed which one is easier for a girl who has just graduated from school and is not a popular major, especially a liberal arts/arts major, a nanny or a waiter. In America, many actors and creators did both before becoming famous. My husband and I once joked, imagining that the baby's nanny was the second Greta Gerwig (the American actress and director we both love, who directed the film "Lady Bird")! For me, I would rather earn tips than face a crying baby and parents who always seem too nervous all day long. The husband said that the restaurant is a very cruel industry, with low wages, heavy work, and a high possibility of facing harassment from bosses, employees, and guests; and if you grow up in a family with brothers and sisters and already have experience in taking care of children (many job seekers have experience in this way, it is a new thing for me as an only child), being a nanny may not be as difficult as you think.

Two weeks later, we finally interviewed a girl who was a good fit. Megan is from Chicago and originally lived in Los Angeles. Her boyfriend just moved to our small town because he got an offer from New York University to study film studies as a graduate student. She is 26 years old and has graduated from college three years ago. She usually works as a project assistant in various film and television companies and works part-time as a nanny the rest of the time. She takes her work seriously, and it shows on her resume. While most resumes we receive list all of the candidate's work experience, Megan's resume was specifically crafted for nannying, clearly summarizing the families she worked for, the number and ages of children, and specific tasks in chronological order. She also directly attached the contact information of all her employers and their one-page letters of recommendation, each of which was full of praise for her. This "familiarity" reassures me. Her major and work also make my husband and I, who are majoring in arts management and liberal arts, feel like "ourselves". We invited her to come to our home for a trial job, but due to my previous experience of being let go several times, I suffered from an occupational disease as an event planner and decided to start preparing Plan B at the same time.

02

Plan B，就是我一直竭力避免打交道的群体——中国阿姨。

自怀孕起，我已经在微信群里读到太多“无良黑心”月嫂的传说，她们“牙尖嘴利”“牛气冲天”、“钻到钱眼儿里去了”、“宝宝哭了也不理”、“给宝宝吃安眠药”、“分分钟教你做人”。在湾区，有月嫂已经开价26天6500美金加20%的小费。即便如此，受疫情影响，好月嫂依然可遇而不可求。

这些都是我对中国阿姨避之而不及的理由，但不是最主要的原因。朋友一语中的，请中国阿姨“感觉会生活在封建时代”。我和先生买了美国儿科学会编写的《育儿百科》，也常用知名育儿网站查找信息，遇到亟待解决的问题就发邮件咨询儿医。我们无意于请位“长辈”来家指导，也不认为父母那一辈的育儿经验在今天还有太多的参考价值。无奈现在是人拣我而非我拣人。

我在某“阿姨对接平台”上发了广告。该平台覆盖全美，对接雇主和月嫂、育儿嫂、住家阿姨、通勤阿姨。各州的年轻父母们用尽招数，讨“阿姨”欢心。一位来自夏威夷州的妈妈说“家里有产妇的妈妈婆婆可以帮忙阿姨做细碎的事情，都是善解人意的家人，只希望度过愉快的26天，学习阿姨的经验”；还有一位住在科罗拉多州，“在三地（科州、亚利桑那州、以及芝加哥）都有自己的房子。旅行时会带上阿姨，乘坐私人飞机。”广告发出后，有两位阿姨联系了我。

牛阿姨自我介绍的第一句话是：我看到你说不用做饭，这点我喜欢，所以加了你。我不能想象自己在面试任何工作——即使是我的资历远超胜任的工作时，以这句话作为开场白。但中国阿姨的面试和我习惯的那个世界不同，有自己的运行规则。

我请阿姨讲讲她过去的经验，牛阿姨打开了话匣子：

“我住在上西区你知道吧，上西”，嗯，我知道，曼哈顿最好的区之一。

“我以前就走过中央公园去她家，她们那栋楼没有中国人的，她也不怎么会说中文，她老公是瑞士人，我都是跟孩子的外婆联系比较多，她都七十多了，跟我很好的，我们经常发微信。后来不是疫情了嘛，他们都买不到菜，我说哎呦那怎么行，我还给他们送了菜过去，后来他们搬到德州去了，还让我去德州呢，我说，那不行啊，我女儿还在上学呢，我们也不能搬到德州去呀……”

我屡次试图打断阿姨未遂。她说自己在中国是学幼儿教育的（我几乎可以肯定是谎言），她读中学的女儿，卡车司机丈夫。“我看你聘请通勤保姆，这个不错，我不想住家你知道吗，我也有自己的家要照顾啊。”

虽然阿姨话多了些，我仍怀侥幸，问她是否能够提供前任雇主的联系方式以供核实。阿姨闪躲多次，在我的坚持下，终于道出原委。

“他们最后有点生我气了，哎呀，也不是生气吧。他们问我老公能不能开车送他们去德州，给我们很多钱的，他那时候正好疫情失业在家嘛，但你说他英文也不好，自己怎么回来呢是不是，我这个人能帮的忙肯定帮，不能帮的也没办法，你说是不是，你看疫情一开始我就给他们送菜了呀……”

我看她又要开始下一轮，赶忙提醒她，宝宝哭了，才终于将她打断。

“宝宝哭得真好，声音真大” 她又接着说，“那个老太太吧，后来还好像防着我似的，我说从中国给她带了点茶叶，她还死活不肯给我她的地址了，好像我要怎么样，我就是好心给她中国茶，她在这买不到的……你看咱们现在也没定呢，要是以后我在你家做，再把他们的联络方式给你吧。”

我哭笑不得。

林阿姨是台湾人。

在这个行业，台湾人颇受推崇。大纽约区最有口碑的月子餐就由台湾妈妈经营，服务态度与日本比肩，各种汤水份量足味道也不错，解决了我和先生在我月子期间的吃饭问题，虽然没有人帮忙，我们也可以专心照顾宝宝。

林阿姨想必深知自己的优势，她听上去有对这行的熟稔，讲话也利落：

“赵小姐，我想，电话是谈不出什么的，希望有机会去你家试工。”

得知我的宝宝快三个月，她立马接话“每顿吃150cc有没有”；又强调自己做饭很好吃，“我会做很多菜，西餐也会做，还有日本菜。你知道吗，我妈妈是日本人，哎呦也不是日本人啦，就是她在日治时期长大，你知道吗，讲日文，做日本菜。所以我做得很好吃。”

我问她是哪里人，她很骄傲地回答，“台北市人”。（台北市即一般所指的台北，而台北县则包括台北周边“远郊区县”，台北县现已更名为新北市。）

林阿姨不失为一个选择，但从她礼貌的态度中（“我会尊重‘太太’的方式”，她用了这么老式的称呼），我听出了她的个性和对我的一丝不满。比如我说没有请过月嫂时，她过于惊讶的态度；比如我说晚上是先生带宝宝时，她的沉默片刻以及“哦，这样也不是不可以”的让步句式。

我自认是个比较敏感的人，但我觉得这次不是我多心。

02

Plan B is the group I have always tried to avoid dealing with - Chinese aunties.

Since I got pregnant, I have read too many legends about "unscrupulous and black-hearted" confinement sisters in WeChat groups. They are "sharp-tongued," "arrogant," "seeking money," "ignore the baby when it cries," "give the baby sleeping pills," and "teach you how to be a good person every minute." In the Bay Area, a confinement nanny has offered a 26-day stay at $6,500 plus a 20% tip. Even so, due to the epidemic, good confinement nanny is still hard to come by.

These are all reasons why I avoid Chinese aunties, but they are not the main reasons. My friend hit the nail on the head when he asked the Chinese aunt to "feel like she was living in the feudal era." My husband and I bought the "Parenting Encyclopedia" compiled by the American Academy of Pediatrics. We also frequently search for information on well-known parenting websites. When we encounter urgent problems, we send emails to consult pediatricians. We have no intention of inviting an "elder" to come to our home for guidance, nor do we think that the parenting experience of our parents' generation still has much reference value today. Unfortunately, people choose me now, not me.

I posted an advertisement on a certain "auntie matching platform". The platform covers the United States and connects employers with confinement nannies, childcare nannies, live-in aunties, and commuter aunties. Young parents in various states use all their tricks to please "aunties". A mother from Hawaii said, "There are pregnant mothers and mothers-in-law at home who can help the aunts with small things. They are all considerate family members. I just want to spend a pleasant 26 days and learn from the aunts' experiences." Another one lives in Colorado and "has his own house in three places (Colorado, Arizona, and Chicago). When traveling, he will take his aunts with him and fly on private planes." After the advertisement was released, two aunts contacted me.

The first sentence Aunt Niu introduced herself was: I saw you said you didn’t need to cook. I liked that, so I added you. I can’t imagine myself opening an interview for any job—even one for which I’m far more qualified—with this statement. But interviews with Chinese aunties are different from the world I'm used to. They have their own operating rules.

I asked Auntie to talk about her past experience, and Auntie Niu opened up the conversation:

"I live on the Upper West Side, you know, the Upper West Side," well, I know, one of the nicest boroughs in Manhattan.

"I used to walk through Central Park to go to her house. There were no Chinese people in their building, and she didn't speak Chinese very well. Her husband was Swiss. I kept in touch with my child's grandmother more often. She was over 70 and she was very good to me. We often sent WeChat messages. Later, we stopped talking. It was an epidemic, and they couldn't buy groceries. I said, oh, how can that be done? I even sent them groceries. Later, they moved to Texas and asked me to go to Texas. I said, that won't work. My daughter is still in school, and we can't move to Texas..."

I tried to interrupt Auntie repeatedly but failed. She said that she studied early childhood education in China (I am almost certain that this is a lie), and that her daughter is in middle school and her husband is a truck driver. "I see you hired a commuter nanny, which is good. I don't want to live at home, you know. I also have my own home to take care of."

Although the aunt talked a lot, I still took a chance and asked her if she could provide the contact information of her previous employer for verification. Auntie dodged many times, but with my insistence, she finally told the whole story.

"They were a little angry with me in the end, oh, it wasn't angry at all. They asked my husband if he could drive them to Texas and give us a lot of money. He was unemployed during the epidemic at that time, but you said that his English was not good, so how could he come back? I will definitely help if I can, but I can't help if I can't. Don't you think so? You see, I have been delivering food to them since the beginning of the epidemic..."

Seeing that she was about to start the next round, I quickly reminded her that the baby was crying before finally interrupting her.

"The baby cried so well and loudly," she continued, "That old lady seemed to be on guard against me later. I said I brought her some tea from China, but she still refused to give me her address, as if I wanted to do something. I just kindly gave her Chinese tea, which she can't buy here... You see, we haven't decided yet. If I do it at your house in the future, I'll give you their contact information."

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Aunt Lin is Taiwanese.

In this industry, Taiwanese are highly regarded. The most reputable postpartum meal in the greater New York area is run by a Taiwanese mother. The service attitude is on par with Japan. The various soups are plentiful and taste good. It solved the problem of eating for my husband and me during my postpartum period. Although there was no one to help, we could concentrate on taking care of the baby.

Aunt Lin must be well aware of her own advantages. She sounds familiar with this industry and speaks eloquently:

"Ms. Zhao, I think we can't discuss anything on the phone. I hope to have the opportunity to go to your house to try out the job."

When she learned that my baby was almost three months old, she immediately answered, "Is it okay to eat 150cc per meal?" and emphasized that her cooking is delicious, "I can cook a lot of dishes, including Western food, and Japanese food. You know, my mother is Japanese, but she is not Japanese. She grew up during the Japanese occupation. You know, she speaks Japanese and cooks Japanese food. So I cook delicious food."

I asked her where she was from, and she proudly replied, "Taipei City." (Taipei City is generally referred to as Taipei, while Taipei County includes the "outer suburban counties" surrounding Taipei. Taipei County has now been renamed New Taipei City.)

Aunt Lin was a choice, but from her polite manner ("I will respect the way 'Mrs.'" she used such an old-fashioned way of calling her), I could hear her personality and a hint of dissatisfaction with me. For example, when I said that I had never hired a confinement nanny, she was overly surprised; for example, when I said that my husband would take care of the baby at night, she was silent for a moment and gave in with the sentence "Oh, this is not impossible."

I consider myself a relatively sensitive person, but I don’t think I’m overly concerned this time.

03

梅根的试工非常顺利。她是个很真实的女孩，自然大方，不过于积极，但对我们的问题和反馈都铭记在心。她没有许多她这个年纪美国女生的学生气，也不似有些经验丰富的保姆过于油滑。她把宝宝抱得扎实，三秒钟就给他穿上了纸尿裤。倒是第一次不用随时stand by的我有种无所事事的空落落。宝宝哭的时候，我在卧室发短信给先生，问他，我需要做什么吗？需要帮梅根吗？他回，你就好好享受自由，让她和宝宝互相了解，让她建立自己的方法，也让宝宝适应她。

敲定梅根之后，我把她的情况告诉了爸妈。我爸的第一个问题就是，她生过孩子吗？我哑然失笑，但也明白，对他来说，这是一个再自然不过的问题。为什么生过孩子是他潜意识里成为保姆的条件呢？生过孩子的我，自问没有能力也不愿去照顾别的小孩。而“生过孩子”如何能够比有过五次保姆经验的年轻女生更有资格获得这份工作？我意识到，中文世界里对babysitter/nanny的称呼之一“阿姨”以身份代替了工作性质。

我又想起，在我对公公赞美我先生将宝宝照顾得很好时，他先是微笑，然后婉转地说，那很好，可我担心他不“professional”。后来和先生提及，说到我们都学习了尽可能多尽可能新的育儿知识，所谓的月嫂未必比我们更专业。先生回，他的“professional”估计是“女人”的意思。果然，后来我们发了我唱歌哄宝宝入睡的视频，公公说，我很开心宝宝得到了“professional”的照顾。

我知道，我的爸爸和公公代表了许多人的看法：保姆不是一个职业，而是一个身份——已婚已育的女性；照顾小孩不需要知识和技能，需要的是“女人的爱”。保姆在最亲密的社会单位——家庭里工作，工作的对象又是我们最在意的家庭成员——孩子，于是这份工作就变得复杂、有别于其它所有工作。一方面，它的职责所在模糊不清（打扫、做饭在不在职责范围内？特别是对于住家保姆而言）；另一方面，它又隐含了“labor of love（爱的劳动）”（几乎所有的雇主都要求保姆“有爱心”）。这使得雇主似乎无法用一个明确的标准去挑选员工，而员工也无法获得合理的报酬。由于大部分人认为“好女人理应从照顾幼儿的工作中得到情感上的满足”，于是爱的劳动在道德上无价，在经济上则无偿。即使不考虑“爱的劳动”，在被中国阿姨们主导的年轻妈妈们抱怨连连的美国月嫂市场，如果把月嫂的“高薪”以小时计算，其实她们的薪水也并未达到法定最低工资。

在《Global Woman: Nannies, Maids, and Sex Workers in the New Economy》一书中题为“仅仅是一份工作？家务劳动的商品化”的文章里，作者Anderson提出，家务工作和地位关系紧密相关，雇主和雇员常常都是女人，而且是不同种族、阶级、国籍的女人。即使雇主并没有从普通意义上“压榨”保姆，通过善意、同情和慈善心理，雇主也常会表现出一种“母性”，将保姆置于一种“孩子般的次等地位”，从而强化她的权力（其中最常见的形式之一就是支付低于市场价的薪水）。专栏作家Toynbee辛辣地将之称为“西方女性主义肮脏的小秘密”。她写道：“那个穿着阿玛尼套装、一手拿着Gucci文件包一手抱着宝宝的‘拥有一切的女人’背后，常有被压抑的另一个女人。成功女性打破天花板之所以成为可能，是因为在她们如男人一样自由生活的时候，有一群不被看到、不被听到的女人在煮饭、打扫、育儿。”

当然，我和梅根和以上的“一般情况”略有不同。梅根是美国白人女孩，年龄与我相差不大，我也完全无意于建立什么“母性”权威。同为文科/艺术类专业，我甚至觉得如果刚刚毕业的自己生活在美国，可能也要选择这样的职业。但我依然心存疑虑。和先生讨论起来，他说，你说的这一切我都想过了，这就是为什么我坚持要找这样的保姆（而不是中国阿姨），坚持on the books（指正式雇佣员工而不是私下交易），我就知道你会有这样的考虑，但你放心，我想梅根和我们的情况差不多，她只是需要一份工作。

他说的不错。我们和梅根签了合同，明确了她需要做和不需要做的事情，我们支付她比市场略高的薪水，也遵循法律报税并买了劳工保险。我们彼此尊重。我相信，我们是好雇主。也许从个人层面来看，这已经是我们能做到的仅有的事。但把我们这个小家庭、把我和梅根放进所有女人这个群体，我雇用了另一个女人——即使她不是移民、少数族裔，而我也支付了合理的薪水，照顾自己的宝宝从而使得自己获得自我实现的机会，这是否公平呢？当这个问题困扰我多过我的先生，又是否说明我依然把照顾宝宝主要视为女人的责任？

我们住的社区有许多育儿设施和机构，一英里以内的日托中心就有近十家。得知受欢迎的中心可能需要提前排队等位，我们早早就预约了几家了解情况。在中心的官方网站上，我们看到，通过语言、数学、艺术、科学等不同课程，按照不同的年龄，小朋友们会从玩绘本开始，慢慢学习讲故事、认识时间、四岁就要“意识到多样性”——探索不同的文化、练习感谢和接纳。和中心工作人员视频的时候，她把镜头转到一间教室，各种肤色的小朋友们聚在一起，爬的爬、坐的坐、玩的玩。老师看到我们，扮了个鬼脸，对我们挥挥手。我想，等宝宝再大一些，就送他入园吧。

03

Megan's job trial went very well. She is a very real girl, naturally generous, not overly positive, but took our questions and feedback to heart. She doesn't have the student spirit of many American girls her age, nor is she too slick like some experienced nannies. She held the baby firmly and put on a diaper in three seconds. It was the first time that I didn’t have to stand by at any time, and I felt like I had nothing to do. When the baby was crying, I sent a text message to my husband in the bedroom and asked him, "Do I need to do anything?" Need help with Megan? If he replies, you can enjoy your freedom, let her and the baby understand each other, let her establish her own methods, and let the baby adapt to her.

After finalizing Megan, I told my parents about her situation. My dad's first question was, had she ever given birth? I laughed out loud, but I also understood that for him, this was a perfectly natural question. Why is having a child a subconscious condition for him to become a nanny? Having given birth to a child, I feel that I am neither capable nor willing to take care of other children. And how can someone who has "given birth" be more qualified for this job than a young girl who has had five nanny experiences? I realized that "aunt", one of the names for babysitter/nanny in the Chinese world, replaces the nature of work with identity.

I also remembered that when I complimented my father-in-law on how well my husband had taken care of the baby, he first smiled and then said politely, that was good, but I was worried that he was not "professional". Later, I mentioned to my husband that since we have all learned as much new parenting knowledge as possible, the so-called confinement nanny may not be more professional than us. The gentleman replied that his "professional" probably means "woman". Sure enough, later we sent a video of me singing to put the baby to sleep, and my father-in-law said that I was very happy that the baby was receiving "professional" care.

I know that my father and father-in-law represent the views of many people: nanny is not a profession, but an identity - a married woman with children; taking care of children does not require knowledge and skills, but "a woman's love". Nannies work in the most intimate social unit - the family, and they work with the family members we care about most - children, so this job becomes complex and different from all other jobs. On the one hand, its responsibilities are unclear (are cleaning and cooking included in the scope of duties? Especially for live-in nannies); on the other hand, it implies "labor of love" (almost all employers require nannies to be "loving"). This makes it seem impossible for employers to use a clear standard to select employees, and employees cannot receive reasonable compensation. Since most people believe that "a good woman should get emotional satisfaction from taking care of young children," the labor of love is morally priceless and economically unpaid. Even if the "labor of love" is not taken into account, in the American confinement nanny market, which is dominated by Chinese aunties and has many complaints from young mothers, if the "high salary" of confinement nanny is calculated in hourly terms, their salary does not actually reach the legal minimum wage.

In an article entitled "Just a job? The commodification of housework" in the book "Global Woman: Nannies, Maids, and Sex Workers in the New Economy", the author Anderson proposed that housework is closely related to status. Employers and employees are often women, and they are women of different races, classes, and nationalities. Even if the employer does not "exploit" the nanny in the ordinary sense, through kindness, sympathy and charity, the employer will often show a kind of "maternality" and place the nanny in a "child-like inferior status" to strengthen her power (one of the most common forms is to pay a salary below the market price). Columnist Toynbee poignantly called it “Western feminism’s dirty little secret.” She wrote: "Behind the 'woman who has it all' wearing an Armani suit, holding a Gucci document bag in one hand and holding a baby in the other, there is often another woman who is suppressed. The reason why successful women break the ceiling is possible because when they live freely like men, there is a group of women who are not seen or heard cooking, cleaning, and raising children."

Of course, Meghan and I are slightly different from the above “general scenario.” Megan is a white American girl, not much different in age from me, and I have no intention of establishing any "maternal" authority. Both majoring in liberal arts/arts, I even think that if I had just graduated and lived in the United States, I might have chosen such a career. But I still had my doubts. After discussing with my husband, he said, I have thought about everything you said, which is why I insisted on finding such a nanny (not a Chinese aunt) and on the books (referring to formal employment of employees rather than private transactions). I knew you would have such considerations, but don't worry, I think Meghan is in the same situation as us, she just needs a job.

He's right. We signed a contract with Megan, clarifying what she needs to do and what she does not need to do. We pay her a salary slightly higher than the market, and we also file taxes and buy labor insurance in compliance with the law. We respect each other. I believe we are a good employer. Perhaps on a personal level, this is all we can do. But is it fair to put our little family, Meghan and I, into the group of all women that I hired another woman, even if she was not an immigrant or a minority, and that I paid a fair salary to take care of my baby so that I could have the opportunity for self-fulfillment? When this problem bothers me more than my husband, does it mean that I still regard taking care of the baby mainly as a woman's responsibility?

We live in a community with many child care facilities and institutions, with nearly a dozen day care centers within a mile. Knowing that popular centers may require queuing in advance, we made reservations at a few early to check out the situation. On the official website of the center, we see that through different courses such as language, mathematics, art, science, etc., according to different ages, children will start from playing with picture books, slowly learn to tell stories, recognize time, and be "aware of diversity" at the age of four - exploring different cultures, practicing gratitude and acceptance. While videotaping with the center staff, she turned the camera to a classroom, where children of all colors gathered together, crawling, sitting, and playing. When the teacher saw us, he made a face and waved to us. I think that when the baby is older, I will send him to a kindergarten.