• 找到了一个大体还满意的月嫂或者育儿嫂，接下来就是观察培训期了。在这期间，你的两大主要任务就是观察其人品，培训其技能。因为阿姨入户肯定就开始工作了，这两个任务你可以同时进行，对月嫂边观察，边培训。

    在观察方面，你要注意这几个点：

    1. 社交活跃度

    这一点是在前期最容易观察出来的。阿姨是不是频繁接打电话（且不是家人），喜不喜欢没事就聊微信、QQ，是不是总是请假出去，爱不爱在小区里跟别的阿姨聊闲篇儿甚至搬弄是非。这些自然都是减分因素。

    2. 共情能力

    这一点是育儿嫂最最重要的。说“共情”可能不太好理解，说白了就是：她对于不是自己的小孩，有没有天然的不忍，恻隐之心。观察这一点，你要从细节观察，不要看她在你“对孩子做到位时”是什么反应，而是要看你“没做到位时”她什么反应。

    举个栗子，我给孩子换尿不湿，经常就是抬起屁股，把旧尿不湿往外一抽，阿姨刚来两天，看到我这个举动，就说我“这样抽不行吧，腰贴那里万一摩擦到孩子皮肤会不舒服的。我觉得应该把腰贴贴过去再抽出来。”阿姨以前没做过育儿嫂，但是她立刻能站在孩子的角度想这样是否会伤到孩子，说明她共情能力是不错的。也就是说，她至少是个有爱心的人。有爱心的阿姨带孩子，都会有一点“宠”，这算不上缺点。

    3. 家庭情况

    家务之余，可以跟阿姨聊聊天，了解她家里的情况。

    经济状况倒是其次，最主要是看阿姨的配偶、儿女都在做什么，阿姨的父母是什么状况。如果配偶儿女都是正经的，积极向上的劳动者，那么阿姨本人品行也不会很差；如果儿女未成年，可以跟阿姨聊聊孩子的学业是如何安排的，如果孩子已成家，要问问阿姨，如果有了孙辈，是不是要回去照顾孩子；阿姨的父母身体如何，家中有没有安排固定、合适的人照顾。这都关乎阿姨在你家工作的持久性。

    生活轨迹正常幸福的人都不避讳谈论家庭的，如果阿姨对家庭情况避而不谈，那么你就要多留个心眼了。

    Once you've found a generally satisfactory postpartum nanny or childcare nanny, the next step is the observation and training period. During this time, your two main tasks are observing her character and training her skills. Since the nanny will begin working as soon as she arrives at your home, you can do both simultaneously, observing and training her at the same time.

    Regarding observation, pay attention to these points:

    1. Social Activity

    This is the easiest to observe in the early stages. Does the nanny frequently make and receive phone calls (and not to family members)? Does she like to chat on WeChat or QQ unnecessarily? Does she often take time off work? Does she like to gossip or even spread rumors with other nannies in the neighborhood? These are all negative factors.

    2. Empathy

    This is the most important aspect for a childcare nanny. "Empathy" might be difficult to understand, but simply put, does she have a natural compassion and empathy for children who aren't her own? To observe this, pay attention to details. Don't focus on her reaction when you "do things right with the child," but rather on her reaction when you "don't do things right."

    For example, when I change my child's diaper, I often just lift his bottom and pull the old diaper out. The nanny, who had only been here for two days, saw me do this and said, "Pulling it out like that isn't right. The waistband might rub against the child's skin and make him uncomfortable. I think you should put the waistband back on before pulling it out." The nanny had never worked as a childcare worker before, but she immediately considered whether this might hurt the child, showing she has good empathy. In other words, she is at least a loving person. Loving nannies tend to be a little "spoiling" of children, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

    3. Family Situation

    Besides housework, you can chat with the nanny to learn about her family situation.

    Financial situation is secondary; the most important thing is to know what the nanny's spouse and children do, and what the situation of her parents is. If the spouse and children are all honest and motivated workers, then the nanny herself is unlikely to be of poor character. If the children are minors, you can talk to the nanny about how their studies are being arranged. If the children are married, ask the nanny if she plans to return to care for her grandchildren. Also, inquire about the health of the nanny's parents and whether they have a stable, suitable caregiver at home. These factors all influence the nanny's long-term employment with your family.

    People with normal, happy lives don't shy away from discussing their families. If the nanny avoids talking about her family situation, then you should be more cautious.

    4. 心理健康

    可以有意在家里多谈论一些社会新闻，如有关虐待孩子、贫富差距、婚姻家庭等方面的新闻。观察阿姨对其的本能反应，也可以让阿姨谈论一下自己的看法。从中了解阿姨的心理是否健康。至少不能是阴暗的。

    5. 孩子的反应

    多注意观察阿姨跟孩子单独相处之后，孩子对她的反应。小孩子的神情是不会说谎的，如果孩子对她常常是害怕、紧张、服从的表现，你就要格外注意了；如果孩子非常信任、依恋阿姨，在你这儿受了委屈还会去阿姨那里“告状”，那你不要吃醋哦，应该庆幸自己找了个好阿姨。

    6. 要不要装摄像头

    这个看自己。其实，你再怎么装摄像头，也不太可能拍到家里的每个角落。建议是前期在知会阿姨的情况下，在家中公共活动区域装一个，你可以说是为了随时看孩子的动态，掌握他的生活习惯。在建立了充分的信任之后，这个东西就可有可无了。

    4. Mental Health

    Intentionally discuss current events at home, such as those related to child abuse, wealth inequality, and marriage and family issues. Observe the nanny's instinctive reactions and ask her to share her perspectives. This will help you understand her mental health; it shouldn't be negative.

    5. Child's Reactions

    Pay close attention to the child's reactions after the nanny spends time alone with her. Children's expressions don't lie. If the child frequently shows fear, tension, or submissiveness towards her, be extra cautious. If the child trusts and is attached to the nanny, and even "tells on" her when she's upset with you, don't be jealous; be glad you found a good nanny.

    6. Should You Install a Camera?

    This is up to you. No matter how many cameras you install, you can't possibly capture every corner of the house. It's recommended to initially install one in a common area of ​​the house, after informing the nanny. You can say it's to monitor the child's activities and habits. Once sufficient trust is established, this feature becomes optional.

    在培训方面，你则需要注意：

    1. 正确对待其固有经验和观念

    如果你用的是有经验的育儿嫂，那么你不可避免地，她会有一些固有的“育儿经验”，而且受中国目前的家政培训体系的局限，这些育儿经验还不见得是科学的、对的。全盘洗掉重来不太现实。对于关乎婴儿安全、喂养、睡眠等重要方面的原则性错误，当然需要强力纠正，而对于一些其他的细枝末节，建议不要太计较。

    2. 尽量激发其学习积极性

    推荐一些育儿科普、辅食菜谱等书籍或公众号、app给阿姨，如果她主动从中学习和尝试新的知识，要积极地给予肯定，必要时可以给一些小礼物作为奖励（这个阶段不建议使用额外的金钱奖励）。跟阿姨一起动手做菜做辅食，一起做是最快的学习方式。并且要很明确告诉她，只要认真学习，做得好的话，薪资将来会有所增长。

    3. 将你的理念准确地传达给她

    如果你对育儿的任何方面有个性化的要求，请明确表达。尽量避免“她应该知道的”这样的推定。人和人对育儿的观念差别很大，很多时候，误解都是产生于信息不对称中，而这又是完全可以避免的。

    Regarding training, you need to pay attention to the following:

    1. Respect their existing experience and beliefs.

    If you are using an experienced nanny, she will inevitably have some ingrained "childcare experience." However, due to the limitations of China's current domestic service training system, this experience may not be scientifically sound or correct. Completely erasing it from the start is unrealistic. For fundamental errors concerning infant safety, feeding, and sleep, strong correction is necessary. For other minor details, it's advisable not to be too concerned.

    2. Try to motivate her to learn.

    Recommend some books, public accounts, or apps related to childcare science, baby food recipes, etc., to the nanny. If she actively learns and tries new knowledge, actively affirm her efforts. If necessary, you can give her small gifts as rewards (it's not recommended to use additional monetary rewards at this stage). Cooking and preparing baby food together is the fastest way to learn. And you should clearly tell her that if she learns diligently and does well, her salary will increase in the future.

    3. Communicate your philosophy accurately to her.

    If you have any personalized requirements regarding any aspect of parenting, please express them clearly. Try to avoid presumptions like "she should know." People have very different views on parenting, and misunderstandings often arise from information asymmetry, which is entirely avoidable.

    总结起来，家有小孩，找阿姨你就遵循这些原则：     

    心理准备，明确需求；

    靠谱家政，严进宽处；

    背景调查，用心观察；

    一旦认可，尊重信任；

    遵守契约，关注情感；

    抓大放小，好聚好散。     

    希望大家都能找到靠谱的阿姨！

    In summary, if you have children and are looking for a nanny, follow these principles:

    Be mentally prepared and clearly define your needs;

    Find a reliable domestic helper, be strict in hiring but lenient in hiring;

    Conduct background checks and careful observation;

    Once you agree, respect and trust them;

    Uphold the contract and consider the emotional connection;

    Prioritize important matters and part ways amicably.

    Hope everyone can find a reliable nanny!